so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
