worst night to have a conscience
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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