I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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