maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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