Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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