How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
