So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
