So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
