You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh god it's open bar.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
