Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
