oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
