if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
