am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
