Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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