is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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