I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
