This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
