the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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