I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this