when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
