I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize