He told me they were just razor bumps!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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