During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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