Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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