you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
