if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
