How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
