You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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