Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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