Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
