Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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