I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
