i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
