So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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