Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
