she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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