What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
