If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
