you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm getting married
To pizza
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
