A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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