I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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