Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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