i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
