I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
