the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
