New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
