The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
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We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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