Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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