I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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