My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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