It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
