apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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