I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
