you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Even my vagina gasped.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize