Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
