He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
