Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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