Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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