Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
