Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
