Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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