EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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