Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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